How many of you men wish that you had known about your wife’s cooking before you married? Well, here in Zambia a tradition from the Bembe tribe makes provision for that. On Monday we were invited by the groom’s family, along with our close friends Chester and Mary Hilty, to a matebeto. It is an occasion for the families of a prospective bridal couple to meet each other. In this case, the groom is a Tonga, the bride is from the Bembe tribe. Interestingly the bride does not attend this pre-wedding dinner party. When the bride’s family arrived, all the women 
stood at the end of the long driveway with pots of food on their heads. In front of them were three women drummers and for lack of a better word, a bridal coordinator. Women from the groom’s side travel down the lane to meet the group, which is now drumming, dancing, and singing. The groom’s family also has a coordinator who happens to have a plastic sack full of money which was collected beforehand from guests. The groom’s coordinator pulls out a wad of kwacha (cash) and throws it onto a cloth spread before the bridal group. If it isenough, the bride’s family walks 
maybe 50 feet and starts the process over. Mary and I joined in the game and threw several bills on the cloth (It amounted to less than a dollar, but looked like a lot!) There’s quite a bit of theatrics to this ceremony. Sometimes the bridal coordinator will dramatically pout over the amount laid down. At other times she lay on the cloth demanding more money. Although this tradition has become more money-focused through the years, it was still a lot of fun. Eventually after four or five times of throwing money down, the bride’s family approaches the groom’s house and enters backwards. The meaning of this escapes me. The pots of food (about 75) remain on the women’s heads until a woman on the groom’s side wrestles a three-tiered pot from the head of the bridal coordinator. Then all the pots are set on the floor before the groom. Several dishes wrapped in cloth were opened by two women, but they were opened with their mouths. The next portion reminded me of a bridal shower when the gifts are passed around for everyone to see. The coordinator begins to dance and as she does she presents the dishes to the groom which are then passed on to the kitchen. If the bridal coordinator wishes more money, she stops and waits for the cash to flow as the drummers pound on their drums. Then, more dishes are presented~nshima, potatoes, several kinds of fish, chicken, beef, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, corn, roots, rice, and relishes. Three-fourths of the way through an older man stood up, shook his cane, and shouted, “Enough! I’m about out of oxygen!” (There were over a 100 people crammed into the sitting room.) He wasn’t the only one getting tired and hot! After all the pots had traveled to the kitchen, the coordinator washed the groom’s feet, then a woman danced and spoke words of commitment on the bride’s behalf. What a wonderful cultural experience, one we will never forget.
maybe 50 feet and starts the process over. Mary and I joined in the game and threw several bills on the cloth (It amounted to less than a dollar, but looked like a lot!) There’s quite a bit of theatrics to this ceremony. Sometimes the bridal coordinator will dramatically pout over the amount laid down. At other times she lay on the cloth demanding more money. Although this tradition has become more money-focused through the years, it was still a lot of fun. Eventually after four or five times of throwing money down, the bride’s family approaches the groom’s house and enters backwards. The meaning of this escapes me. The pots of food (about 75) remain on the women’s heads until a woman on the groom’s side wrestles a three-tiered pot from the head of the bridal coordinator. Then all the pots are set on the floor before the groom. Several dishes wrapped in cloth were opened by two women, but they were opened with their mouths. The next portion reminded me of a bridal shower when the gifts are passed around for everyone to see. The coordinator begins to dance and as she does she presents the dishes to the groom which are then passed on to the kitchen. If the bridal coordinator wishes more money, she stops and waits for the cash to flow as the drummers pound on their drums. Then, more dishes are presented~nshima, potatoes, several kinds of fish, chicken, beef, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, corn, roots, rice, and relishes. Three-fourths of the way through an older man stood up, shook his cane, and shouted, “Enough! I’m about out of oxygen!” (There were over a 100 people crammed into the sitting room.) He wasn’t the only one getting tired and hot! After all the pots had traveled to the kitchen, the coordinator washed the groom’s feet, then a woman danced and spoke words of commitment on the bride’s behalf. What a wonderful cultural experience, one we will never forget.
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