Marriage Canoeing

When we were canoeing this past weekend it occurred to me that there were principles of canoeing that could be applied to marriage. And, after posting a few of these lessons on Facebook, and at the suggestion of a friend (thanks, Susan), I've decided to share them here. I will also include some of the comments shared about canoe lessons from my friends.

1. Get in the boat. Having been married for 37 years (as of yesterday), I'm a firm believer in marriage. Some couples today want to live together a while before tying the knot. Maybe it's in the hope of reducing getting divorced later. However, statistics show that those who cohabit have a higher chance of eventually divorcing (Discovery Health). Get in the boat!

2. While canoeing, one of you needs to steer. If both canoers are trying to steer, the result is havoc and fruitless. One of my FB comments was that a couple have to be going in the same direction. That's true. However, I'm assuming that before people get in the boat they work this out. I'm also a believer in (and, I may offend or step on toes here) the headship of the husband in a relationship. I'm not saying my husband and I have always danced in this area. Sometimes it's a symphony. Sometimes it's a bad "War 
of 1812" overture. But, I still believe it's the biblical way.

3. Stay in the boat. One of the reasons that Tracy and I have stayed together for 37 years by the grace of God, is that we have set our minds on the course that divorce is not an option. Now, are there times we've thought about it? Sure. We like what Ruth Graham said when she was asked if she'd ever considered divorcing Billy. "Divorce? Never. But, I have considered murdering him." 

4.In marriage, both persons need to be doing the paddling. When we were in a straight waterway, Tracy would say that I could rest if I wanted. Sometimes I would lay the paddle on my lap, sometimes I kept it in the water and gently worked. However, during the tricky stretches and difficult maneuvers I was struggling with him. I've heard it said that marriage is not a 50/50 deal. It's 
a 100/100 arrangement. You give it your all. Your partner does, too.

5. On the Plover River, Tracy and I were always talking to one another about where we were going or what path we would take. He would say, "Left, paddle left." I would point out rocks, limbs, and debris ahead. I would sometimes point out wildlife hiding under the bank. He would guide us through overhanging branches. I would use my paddle to push off of obstacles. Wish I could say I've always talked to him about things I should have. (Josh, what is a red eared slider?)

6. Although I hadn't posted this one before Carla did on FB, I was coming to it! Carla writes, "Don't forget about having fun." We were canoeing with our son, Neal, and his friend, Ginny, and did we laugh! We laughed at ourselves, laughed at each other, and pulled pranks. By the time we landed on the beach at Jordan Park, the bottom of our boat was full of water. But, that water held happy memories of splashing each other with water. Laughter is the best medicine, and I agree! Did I say, laugh at yourselves?

7. Someone wrote that both parties need to agree on the course. Here again, I'm assuming that people have done the major homework before getting married. However, there are course corrections along the way and things do need to be re-evaluated on the path of marriage. Being on the same page is blissful. Some of our worse days are when we are at odds with one another.

8. Again, stay in the boat.

9. There will be times that spouses didn't see what was coming, and they bottom out on rocks, hidden debris, or sand. What do you do? Well, I guess here's where my analogy breaks down because with canoes, you sometimes have to get out of the canoe and portage around. You can't just use your body weight to heave it forward. However, if your mindset is to stay in the canoe, it may mean getting another canoer's perspective on your situation, i.e.,
marriage. Get input from others. Counseling if need be. We found that sometimes the best course is to follow others. Neal and Ginny would go ahead of us on the water, showing us the safest path to take. 

10.Apologize when you let a limb whack the person behind you in the face, or steer in the wrong direction. Remember that stupid phrase from the movie, "Love Story"? "Love means never having to say you're sorry." That's a bunch of bologna. Canoeing isn't as serious business as marriage, so I won't say I asked forgiveness for that tree branch. But, I do apologize to him every day. And, it doesn't stop there. It's not enough to say, "I'm sorry." I need to ask his forgiveness for sinning against him. And, vice versa. Asking forgiveness requires more humility. It's easy to say one is sorry. It's a bit harder to ask forgiveness.

11. "Watch out for snakes!" says my classmate from high school, Vicky Menne. I'll let you draw the analogies there. We didn't see any while canoeing, but that may be God's mercy to us!

12. Finish the journey together. God is doing a million things all at once in our lives. Marriage has been a sanctifying work in us to make us more like Christ. I believe I'm a better person for what God has done in my life through our 37 years together. 

I'm sure there are many, many more lessons out there for marriage from the activity of canoeing. Feel free to comment further. But these are the ones that I gleaned from our wonderful time on the Plover River.